Having a good attitude

Have you ever known someone who was always the life of the party? They were always smiling no matter what was going on? How do you feel when you are around them? I know when I spend time with optimists I enjoy myself better and want to be as happy as them. If you have seen the movie Winnie the Pooh, then you know that the character Tigger is a great example of this sort of person. Always happy, always smiling. Now, if you have heard of Tigger, chances are, you have also heard of Eyore the donkey. Eyore is pretty much the opposite of Tigger. Always gloomy, always frowning. He’s never quite content. Now, if you were asked which one had more problems or trials, chances are you would say that Eyore does. Why? Well because he always has a gloomy outlook on life. My question is, why do people assume that those who have bad attitudes have more problems than those who would be considered optimists? You can be happy even if your circumstances are bad.

I think that one reason people have bad attitudes – especially when their life has problems – is because they feel like those people who are always happy have no problems. They justify their attitudes on their circumstances. They tell themselves “Well, I mean, if people liked me, I would be happy” or “If my arm wasn’t broken, I’d be happy…But because it is, it’s alright for me to be gloomy all the time” Do you hear how mixed up that is? That is like saying that circumstances make people happy. That everyone who has ever been happy in this world has been happy because their life was perfect. My dad likes to memorize poems, and one day, he started reading the poem Don’t envy other folks, author unknown. Part of it goes like this:

Don’t think when you have troubles that your neighbor goes scott-free because he shows a smiling front and battles cheerfully. No man!  He too, has troubles, but herein the difference lies, while you go idly moping round, the other fellow tries. 

Don’t envy other people; maybe, if the truth you knew, you’d find their burdens heavier far than is the case with you. Because a fellow, rain or shine, can show a smiling face, don’t think you’d have an easier time if you could take his place.

This poem really illustrates my point. Everyone you meet has, or has had problems in their life. Everyone has trials, even those who are always happy. One example that comes to mind is of my friend Rodney. Rodney is one of the most enthusiastic people I know. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who is as happy as him. He has an almost visible aura of happiness around him. He is always happy and excited, and he always has a huge smile on his face. I have NEVER seen him frown ever, and I see him almost every day. It’s impossible to be around him while feeling bad, because he is so happy. I used to think that he had never had a hard day in his life. I used to think that his life was perfect, all of it. Rodney takes Mixed Martial Arts with us, and has been taking it ever since we have. Only recently I learned that he can’t do some of the kicks because of an incident that occurred when he was about 9 years old. Back then, he was very energetic, bouncing everywhere. He would spend at least 3 or 4 hours a day just jumping on the trampoline. Around spring in 2006, Rodney’s right leg started bothering him. His parent’s noticed it, but thought he just had an injury from being a nine year old. As Rodney put it “Running and jumping all over the place, stopping to eat, and then going at it again.” Still, Rodney’s parents took him to a chiropractor to make sure all of his bones were in the right places and so forth. After the visit, they hoped his leg would stop hurting, but it didn’t. The pain got worse and his limp became more recognizable. It kept getting worse, and one day, Rodney was able to pinpoint the pain to his hip. His parents took him to the Chiropractor again and got an x-ray of his hip. The chiropractor didn’t tell them anything. He just handed them a paper that said: Primary children’s hospital. He gave them the name and phone number of the best doctor there. So they made an appointment. What the doctor said changed Rodney’s life. The doctor told them that Rodney had leg perthes. Leg perthes is a disease that occurs when the blood circulation in the hip has stopped, and the bone starts to deteriorate. The round of the hip flattens and it hurts a lot. It would take three years for the condition to run its course before it would get better. The worst case was that the hip would pop out of the socket and then Rodney would have to go into surgery to get the hip bolted back in. The treatment for Leg perthes is not to cure the disease, but to minimize the pain and damage while the disease runs its course. So the doctor sent them home with a little information to help mitigate the result that would come. Around the next spring, Rodney noticed that he was walking really weird; more than a limp. He got crutches, and had to use them to walk anywhere. From then until he was twelve, he used crutches to walk. So Rodney was on crutches for 2 years. Now, if you have ever sprained your ankle, or broken your leg, you know that it’s not fun. Even just for the few weeks you have to use them. You can’t run, you can’t play sports, and you can’t really do all of the things you enjoyed doing before you needed them. Now imagine having to go through that for two years. Two years. That must have been so hard, but I have never once heard him complain. Instead of telling me about how much it hurt, or how annoying it was, Rodney (being the optimist that he is) told me how he got advantages like using the crutches as extended arms, and learning to hop really well on his left foot. Even now at 16, Rodney still is experiencing side effects from the Leg-perthes. He can barely twist his right leg, while his left leg is fine and if he is working hard, he will start to limp again, but I have never ever heard him say anything negative in his life. When I asked him about why he needed the crutches, he told me it was because of the pain. It hurt so bad that if he walked on it or just stood on it, he would go to bed crying because of the pain. Another side affect from the leg-perthes, was that he didn’t have very many friends because of his crutches. He wasn’t’t being teased or labeled, as much as excluded. No one wanted to stay with him because he couldn’t play the games everyone else was playing. The main thing I admired about his story was that, instead of blaming his circumstances, or telling himself that it was okay to be gloomy because ‘well, he had a reason!’ he chose to learn from it. Rodney told me that the three words he would use to describe that experience were: (And I quote) Spiritual, refining, and everything I am now. Instead of letting his life be ruined by a bad attitude, he decided to learn as much as he could from it, and move on. How many of us could honestly say that we take that approach when examining our trials? Most likely, not very many. Human nature is to look back at trials with anger or resentment, but Rodney looked back trying to learn from it, and it changed his life.

Now, having said this, you might be thinking “well, not everyone who is happy has had those kinds of problems!” You are absolutely right. Most people don’t have trials like that. But it just goes to show, that you can be happy regardless of what may or may not be happening in your life. Don’t you see how pointless it is to feel bad for yourself? Now, one main factor to a bad attitude is that people think their problems are worse than everybody else’s. A lot of people who feel this way are letting their problems take over, and it ruins their experiences. For instance, say that one day you went to a youth activity, and you found out that they were going to be stuffing balls for humanitarian aid. But, well, you used to do that with your grandma, and you don’t really enjoy it…at all. In fact, you hate stuffing balls. Now, there are two ways you could react to this. First of all, you could ruin the experience of helping someone else for yourself and the rest of the group because of what attitude you portray, or second,  you could choose to not complain, and maybe even enjoy it after a bit. Which attitude do you think people would enjoy being around most? If you ask me, I would say the last attitude because you’re allowing others to have a good time even if you’re not having such a grand time yourself. I decided to ask around and find situations when someone’s attitude changed the experience for them. One of the examples I found was from my friend Rylee. Her mother had asked her to do the dishes, and their dishwasher was broken. Rylee hated washing the dishes and because the dishwasher was broken, she would have to do it all by hand. She did not want to wash the dishes by hand. Then, she decided that if she was going to have to do it anyway, she might as well have a good attitude about it. So she got her I-pod, turned on some music, and starting singing along and dancing while doing the dishes. To her surprise, she actually enjoyed doing it. Now imagine how different this would have been if she had refused to change her attitude, and done it with dread. The outcome would have been very different. So even if you don’t want to do something, you can still change your attitude, and enjoy life!

So, how does this apply to me? Well, everyone at some point in their life has had a bad attitude. It happens.  But just because you have a problem or trial doesn’t mean that your whole life has to be devoted to thinking about that problem. Recently in my Seminary Class, brother Lindow my seminary teacher gave us all pebbles to teach us a little object lesson. We also got a paper with a quote by Elder Richard G Scott, a leader in the LDS church. It said: “Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.” When I heard this quote, I instantly thought of Eyore and Tigger. Eyore was holding his pebble up to his eye, while Tigger was walking over it and barely noticing it. However, one lesson I learned early in life was that most things are easier said than done. So, yes, we shouldn’t focus on our problems all day, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel bad for ourselves. I think one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my mom. She always said ‘leave your problems at the door’. Once you leave your bedroom, leave your problems there, and don’t let them bother you for the rest of the day. It really works! I have used that advice time and again. If something isn’t working out, it doesn’t need to paralyze you. Leave it at the door, and just enjoy life!

Having said this, I would like to challenge you all to leave your problems at the door and keep a good attitude wherever you go. Even one person can make a difference. You may think that your attitude doesn’t impact other, but it does. The way you act, rubs off onto those you associate with. If you are happy, others tend to be happy. If you act gloomy, those you associate with will tend to be gloomier. You can choose what attitude you portray. As my dad likes to say: In the final analysis happiness is a choice. It doesn’t just happen to you. I challenge you to choose to be happy, and to ignore any temptation to feel bad for yourself. As Rodney said: why am I so happy? I don’t know, it’s just a lot funner!